What could it be?

Yesterday I've experienced something new about ... Well how could I describe? Love? No not really love ... It's more like ...

I don't know! I'm so confused! There was a guy at a party who was nice and funny and so. He took my hand and we walked a little. Then he hugged me ... And then he tried to kiss me...

It sounds really romantic but I didn't react right I think? I didn't feel anything and I turned him down when he tried to kiss me. 

I've never had my first kiss! Never experienced this things with a guy! I'm scared and ... On the other side I should've kiss him but I'm old fashioned and wish my first kiss could be with someone I trust and love!

But one thing was really ... Nice?

When he hugged me. I've wished so long for this! Someone who just hold me in his arms ... I will never forget this ...

He was drunk so I've have him my number. It's his choice! Maybe he remember me and we could met a second time and learn about each other. If not ... Well ... I don't mind because nothing really happened between us.

I'm so simple and yet so complicated! Or just confused! 

On the same day I visited someone who I just know some weeks. This person is really interesting and if I'm with him my heart relaxes. I could talk hours and about everything with this person! But I'm not sure! If he had the same thought about me...

I wish I could be more experienced with this feelings and situations ... I'm to proud with myself but this is the only way I can protect my heart. I'm to scared of this things ... 

I wish someone could teach me about this stuff. Or could gave me some advice? 

Midnight thoughts~

Here I am again :D

I can't sleep so I thought I could clean up again my brain I write some stuff ...

I've found a new heart but I've bought it on my own but nothing really change since I have this one. It's not the same anyway just a cheap imitation ...

Well my friend leaved now and I think our paths in life seperated again ... We don't write much at the moment and he seems to stay there longer than I thought.

I think I've lost again! No matter what I try to do or make decisions! I'm always unsure and don't know if it is right or wrong ... Well and the ones I call friends have their own problems and I don't wanna be a bother to them. I try my best to be there for them but I can't really see them there for me.

I wish there could be someone who always cares for me and built me up in times like this ... Maybe there is someone  but I can't see this one! I lose my hope forward it! I've realized that I'm really lonley these past days ... The two most important friends are really far away right now and I can't really communicate with them. Well I think one of them don't like me anymore cuz we are struggling to much the past months.

And next month maybe is our last! I try to think that's just my imagination and don't do anything wrong but it's hard...

And in few days I get my own apartment ...

I wonder how it will go? Will I be lonely?

But I believe that's the real thing and the right choice! 

Why need humans always a partner or a lover? I don't think this is the meaning of life isn't it?

Wahhhhhhh!!!

So many questions and no answers yet ...

Life is complicated ... Isn't it?

Well ... Where do I start?

I think no one cares about the following stuff but I don't really care. I just wanna clean up my brain!

Now it's been one year since I've lost my precious heart and till today I'm sad about it and don't know where I could get exactly the same one. On the other hand ... Somewhere I still hope that someone will give me the heart. A new one that I can care about. Since that day I don't really feel ... Happy. Maybe there were some moments of true happiness but not for long.

No one really cared about it and I'm a little disappointed that nobody really did something to comfort me ...

Little by little I feel dead. Don't care about things and so I've lost my sensibility for feelings. 

Furthermore ... There are two people that share the same heart as mine and I'm scared that  I've had lost my connection to them. I know this words are stupid but I can't do anything about my thoughts ...

But there is still more that confuse me!

It's been one year since I've met with someone, too. The person didn't feel well and I've tried to comfort him on this day. We known since many years but didn't really talk to each other. We became really good friends. And now he's leaving again. 

I don't know what to say or maybe a farewell gift? I don't like it if some of my friends leave me... I can't handle this situation. I know that I will regret it if I don't do anything ... Cuz it is always the same game. I ruined many things in my life with such situations.

I feel kind of lost ... Don't know what to do anymore? Don't know who I can talk to because everyone had their own problems!

Once I was full of myself and believed that I could do everything but since I've lost it I'm scared and don't really sure about my actions.

The following days will show me what will happen ... Well this is a stupid sentence but who cares?

But maybe there will be some big changes in my life because a good friend leaves me. And in the near future another one will leave too...

I know that this are stupid problems but this are MINE problems and MY world. 

Well ... If someone read this thanks for listening or reading. Maybe you will listen to me personal if you ask me.

Hope that you will comfort me and built me up. I need a strong shoulder on this weekend ;D and a NEW heart!

Musicvideos

Hey there~

One of my new hobbies is to make some Cosplayvideos at the Conventions~

It´s more fun and nonsense xD so there is no story behind it and the videos are just some funny moments~

Here is the first one :D

Hope you enjoy it~

Call me maybe

If you want to see more of this videos chek ot my channel on vimeo ;3 there will com muuuuuch more movies xD

My Channel on vimeo

Please leave some comments of your opinions and how do you think about my videos~

Thanks ;3

Nice to meet ya :D

Helloooo ~

I didn´t really introduce myself and so~

My name is Shirou (not real xP), live in Germany and I´m a Cosplayer since ... maaany years xD

Didn´t even remember when was my first time? My other hobbys are my car (Golf III) and my cat Mursik (so sweeeeeeettt) and ... Ps3 (need some buddys there xD please contact meeeee)

I work at a huge wholsesale company ;) but the name is a secret~

One of my biggest dreams is to travel someday to Japan. I love this country so much >___< it´s tradition, culture and the japanese boys xD they know how to style their hairs~

What else to say about me? ...

If you have any questions ... don´t be shy ;)

I´m looking forward to talk to people all over the world~

So I can practice the english language xD hope you understand me anyway?

Here are some Cosplay photos :D

Hope you like it~

Access Time (Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne)

Taichi Yagami (Digimon Adventures)

Lavi (D.Gray-man)

Izaya Orihara (Durarara)

Hibari Kyouya (Katekyou Hitman Reborn)

Cosmo (Cosmo&Wanda)

I have much more Cosplays xD this are just my favorites~

But I think this is enough for the introduction.

See yaaaa~

What a beautiful...

Prinny dood!